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I’ve been thinking a lot about perfection lately. The perfect candle, the perfect red lipstick, the perfect pair of ballet flats. It’s no secret that over the last couple of years, my wardrobe has become simple, easy, minimal even. I’ve been shifting my mindset to quality over quantity (although truthfully, to begin with, it was a bit of both…), and for the large part, I was consumed with the idea that everything I bought had to be perfect. The perfect leather trousers, the perfect button up silk blouse, the perfect pair of Chelsea boots. It’s the type of thinking that can only breed dissatisfaction (at least, that was part of my own experience), and I started to wonder, was I really any better off?
Kali of the Nife en L’air and possibly even Dead Fleurette (if memory serves me correctly) touched on this idea of finding garments and accessories which fit our definition of ‘perfect’. The minute specifications which can turn an ordinary white shirt into a seemingly spectacular one; ‘perfect’, even. The length of the sleeve, hidden placket or no, fit through the body, stiffness of the collar. Which when you think about it as a whole, seems completely arbitrary, if all you’re after is a simple, crisp, white cotton shirt.
I’ll admit it, I’m a type A perfectionist. I have high standards, particularly when it comes to my wardrobe, so the bar is already set when it comes to any new additions.
Having spent hours upon hours trawling through online stores, or digging through the racks at a local shopping mall, it started to dawn on me. Will I ever find something which embodies this definition of perfect? And what is that worth to me? Is it really worth the time that I spent searching for it (obsessively)? How about six months on?
What I found was that all this time spent hunting down the ‘perfect’ anything was essentially fruitless. At first, it seemed fulfilling, to find that something which was so attuned to your specific tastes that it felt like it must be fate. Okay, maybe I’m romanticizing it a little – it’s hard not to. The truth of the matter is, tastes change, the seed of a thought or an idea of a thing might not seem so desirable once you’re finally detached from the situation of searching, looking, and finding. Somehow, I’ve managed to reach a point where I’ve truly s-l-o-w-e-d down the influx of clothing into my wardrobe, and the Five Piece French Wardrobe Challenge works to support that and (hopefully) keep me on the straight and narrow. Rather than scrutinize my wardrobe for things I can part with, I look at the ways I can wear what I have.
2014 seems to truly have been a year of accumulating high-quality garments and simple wardrobe basics, which has to a large extent, worked in my favor (well, maybe not so much for my bank account – hah!).
One thing I did do was hugely change my approach towards shopping, focusing on the brands I know and can trust. I’ve stopped thinking in terms of ‘needing something now’, and instead, made do with what I have. There will always be time for new things, and a wardrobe can definitely wait. Truthfully, this was the biggest mindset to change, given that I was so prone to shopping on impulse for fear of missing out.
But back to the brands that I know. I’ve eschewed the practice of shopping around and instead focused on a few brands that I’ve found myself purchasing from again and again. It’s all about knowing what to expect when it comes to the fit, the style and the quality. I can easily pick out a few key pieces a season (we don’t need everything…) and be fairly confident that they’re going to work with what I currently have, in addition to fitting correctly. A lot of the brands are local, like Lover, Karen Walker, Ellery or Ruby, and the others, like 3.1 by Phillip Lim, Charlotte Olympia, J Brand and Everlane are easily within reach via the internet. I know that I can count on these brands, and I’m pretty happy to limit myself in that respect.
When making a new purchase, the questions I tend to ask myself now lean more towards: Do I feel comfortable in this? Does it fit my needs? and Does it blend in seamlessly with my current wardrobe?
If it fits my needs and looks good – perfect. If it’s unflattering, I’ll return it or won’t even hesitate to put the hanger back on the rack. Which… is pretty much what I was doing before, but without all the fuss over the minor details (and I know, I know, a small detail can make a garment!). It’s about finding something that is adequate, that is functional, and that won’t result in overthinking the shopping process – something that the very idea of minimalism should embody, yet in every example I’ve seen, has done quite the opposite.
We are so hard wired to consume, consume, and then consume some more that the mere thought that I was still trapped in this cycle had never occurred to me. Every day we are faced with hundreds, if not thousands of ads, and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t give in to temptation every now and then. Through all of my obsessive searches, I’d uncover something new. Perhaps a chic French label I barely knew existed, and all of a sudden I’d be after one of their black skirts because it seemed better, newer, and more ‘perfect’ than the one I already owned. See what I’m talking about? It unnecessarily made me unhappy with what I already had, and just fueled the consumer within me. More so than that, it stopped me from enjoying the things that I already owned – which were lovely to begin with.
Kali describes it perfectly – the shift from perfection to adequacy. A personalization of sorts which tailors the purchases you make to your lifestyle, which has been a somewhat natural progression and describes my situation so succinctly.
If we just quickly get a little serious for a moment, when I was completing my post-grad Marketing studies, one thing that struck me was the comparison of happiness levels between two different types of shoppers: the one which would find something which met their needs (a cerulean blue jumper), and the other which would research and exhaust all options before finally making a decision. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the happier of the two was the person who spent less time focusing on the decision making process, and more time just getting on with it. Too much choice, is far from a blessing in disguise – it’s a hindrance, and of course will cause you to question whether you really did make the right choice in the end. And so, it makes you think, will all the research and active comparisons between four similar pairs of skinny jeans really be worth it?
All of this is not to say that I don’t love fashion, because the simple truth is, that I do, wholeheartedly and unreservedly. Instead, it’s more to do with tackling this idea of attaining perfection – in any area of our lives. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m still experimenting, if only a little. One of my (not so) recent purchases, an Ellery 60s style swing dress is a perfect example of this – it’s fun, it’s youthful, and it’s unlike anything that I already own. Truth be told, the thing I like most about the dress is that I came across it almost by chance, and it fit with my desire to add a few more dresses to my wardrobe (which I’m hoping will be work-appropriate). There was no planning, no agonizing over whether a similar style would be better; I liked it, I thought about it overnight, and the next day, I bought it. Simple.
Given that I know I’m not the only one who has been swept up in this trend of minimalism, I would love to know your own experiences; how have you approached finding the perfect ‘…’? Would you stop searching for perfection in place of finding something which is just adequate?
Jamie,
This is really well written and eloquent.
I believe mistakes we made in past propel us to look for better things in the future. That shirt that fell apart in a few days. The pleather jacket that kept you cold. The replacements had to be the best we can afford and bought after much thought / contemplation.
This is where I draw the line. Replacing a hardworking well fitting leather jacket or a more nicer piece : its an unnecessary upgrade. And a chase for perfection.
On the other hand, I do think black trousers have to be perfectly cut to flatter. We are doomed !
Author
That is such a huge compliment! Thank you so much.
I think you’re right; I’ve had so many mistaken purchases in the past and being analytical by nature I tend to assess and analyse every single thing that goes in and out of my wardrobe. I’m trying to just find things that are flattering, that I enjoy wearing, and that are going to last. Doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, does it? 😉
I love this post! You describe the problem so well. (Ugh, sometimes I wish English was my first language so I would be able to express my thoughts more easily). But anyway, I’ve come to realize that striving for perfection doesn’t neccesarily make you a happy person in the end. You spend so much time looking for something that is perfect and chances are you will never find it. And fashion should be fun as well. I try to find a balance between the two. So I plan my purchases but will always leave some room for spontaneous buys.
Author
Hi Jessica – that’s exactly what I’ve been reading, and I think it’s wholly true. The more choice you’re faced with, the more you begin to question what you already purchased and you have larger post-purchase dissidence.
You’ve got a great approach though – fashion should definitely be fun! x
I loved this post! I too get caught up in the comparing of five almost identical items trying to determine which one is “perfect” and too anyone else there is no difference. Like you I’ve been trying to concentrate on quality, will it fit my lifestyle (for me a corporate office job and mum to messy toddler!) and do I really love it?! Easier said then done…Online shopping has introduced a new sense of urgency with purchases (10% off emails, last item in size …..etc!).
Author
You’re just like me! The more you look, the more unhappy you end up being with your final purchase. I’ve found that now that I’m not actively going into stores or seeing what’s out there, I’m a lot happier with what I do buy and I second guess it less.
Yes!!! That is marketing working its magic on you. I get a little caught up in that too, although one thing I realised was that most things tend to be able to wait. Although I always used to be the girl who would buy something as soon as it hit the shop floor hah 🙂
I’m a type A perfectionist too! I sometimes trick myself into thinking I can settle for something adequate, but a couple of weeks later I’ll go back to searching for same item because I’m still dissatisfied haha 🙂 Loved this post!
allygong.com
Author
I’ve been trying to stop that cycle – so buying something and then deciding that’s it. It’s worked pretty well so far!
You speak from hard-won experience 🙂 I always say that if there’s even the slightest bit of hesitation, it’s definitely better to walk away. I think perfection is more a feeling than a properly rational decision. When you’re not “feeling it”, you know it, even if something ticked 9 out of 10 boxes on your mental list of what makes something perfect.
Also, I find that things I bought without much thought tend to be things that get the most wear and stay with me longest, whereas things I agonised over (mostly things I love but I know I have no occasion to wear but could not resist) just sit there for years, passing judgement on my lack impulse control.
Author
Oh god yes. And I totally agree. When you put something on you should have that moment when you look in the mirror and you just think, ‘YES’.
It’s funny as I’ve had many similar experiences; I won’t be looking for something at all and an item will pop up, I’ll buying thinking little of the purchase and it always ends up being one of the things I wear the most.
I’ve ordering the Kon Marie tidying up book so kinda looking forward to running this through my closet…
Very thought-provoking subject! I enjoyed reading your thoughts and could relate to the sentiments of unhappiness at an ultimately fruitless search for perfection and the endless consumerism cycle we find ourselves in. I think a lot of the ideas and the feelings expressed relate not just to clothing, but other material items as well (like say, cosmetics or perfume), and touch on a larger problem with reconciling what we currently have with changing, ephemeral, emotion-fuelled wants. I think what brings me happiness when it comes to purchasing decisions isn’t necessarily the search/attainment of perfection (if that even exists) or settling for merely adequate – it is only the prevention of wastefulness. Making the “right” decision just means eliminating (or at least avoiding) bad ones. Having said that, fashion is sometimes just about enjoying yourself a little and having fun, so even if something isn’t necessarily a prudent purchase in the long run or a bit “out there”, it might still be worth buying because it serves your immediate needs (i.e. it gives you joy in the moment, or for the short term). Maybe that’s enough. We can’t expect even perfect things to be that way in perpetuity. Fashions change, tastes change, bodies change, and especially with things like clothing – they’re subject to actual wear and tear, repeated washing, maybe the odd spill or mishap that might ruin it (or at least make it not perfect anymore) altogether. Nothing is forever and I think so long as clothes bring enjoyment and satisfaction to the person for an adequate period of time, maybe that’s all we can ask for. There are clothes that serve their function, then clothes that we truly love. It’s hard to have a wardrobe full of the latter, just as it would be boring to have a wardrobe full of the former. I guess with everything, it’s a work in progress.
Author
I have a feeling that there are some psycho-analysis-style tests out there that you can complete to find out your motivations behind shopping. I’m definitely of the mind that I probably emotionally shopped a lot in my early twenties and looking back I really wish I’d taken control and just dealt with whatever was upsetting me at the time.
Now, I’m trying to reduce waste and only buy things that I will wear and use, or quickly pass them on if I won’t. I want to avoid that very stereotypical ‘minimal’ wardrobe that does exist, but isn’t quite *playful* enough for me. I think that there’s an inherent pleasure in buying something on a whim only for it to be worn again and again.
I really like how you refer to it as a work in progress – so apt!
Thank you so much for your comment and for adding to the conversation x
This was such a well written post and something that I’ve been thinking about too lately. I’ve been minimising my wardrobe over the past year and while I’ve really been enjoying the process, and the fact that I have been much more selective and thoughtful about my purchases, this constant search for perfection does sometimes do my head in! I’ve slowly been coming to the realisation that, as you say, sometimes you just need to settle for adequate. I think the word “adequate” often has such negative connotations, but really it shouldn’t! If it does the job and you like it enough – that’s fine! … admittedly I’m still in search of the “perfect black blazer” but… I’m working on just being satisfied and enjoying my current wardrobe without needing to agonise over the “missing” pieces – because really we have more than enough! Ok I’m rambling now! Thanks for the thought provoking post 🙂
Lauren xx
Author
I think it’s like the hangover of the minimalist movement – the realisation that those ideals you were chasing are just that. It’s definitely been the source of much stress and headache for me in the past and since simplifying my approach (and looking far less – so fewer options to choose from), I’ve been much happier.
I think if the piece makes you feel good and flatters your body (and is well made!), then it should really be a no brainer if it’s something that you’ll get a lot of wear out of.
Thanks so much for your comment ! x